Everything fast forward today.
Including dinner.
:)
Supper as well of course.
Enjoying my single deluxe as Vern is staying over at NEC with her family who came down this morning.
Dull~
Can't remember how did I survive in a single room last year.
But hey, I do like to have a single room. Just not holidays maybe.
:P
Never mind. I am still enjoying. My next next door neighbour too. Haha!
Is it because there is nothing occupy me and my mind, thus my mind flew. To everywhere?
Did go out to JP this noon for a while. And finally all my ear holes for both ears are occupied. :) No worry, I only have 4. No more than that.
I guess I am a lone taker whenever it is necessary. So I am not that worry about myself even if one day when I am old and there is still no one besides me. *isolated*
Loneliness often strike my mind hard. No, not because of loneliness. Not sure why but my mind was struck even before yesterday.
That's what happen after weeks of doing works without using brain at all.
LOL~
I am pretty fine actually.
Just, I start to think deep about myself.
Contemplating.
Really hard.
I am such a greedy person. I greed for fame. Yes, fame. Idiot me. I don't know why am I thinking all these fames at such age! People think about these when they were in their teens. But I am not anymore. Ok, I am at the post teen stage not an ADULT yet. :P
Back to my fame. You wouldn't get what I meant. Do I look like someone that want fame desperately in front of anyone of you? Not exactly desperately, just.. Can you see the intention on my face that I want a fame?
I drift myself along all these while. I set other people as "examples". For instance, my blog. I can't believe that I want my blog to be famous like those I read, which is totally not on path with my initial intention of having a blog. My very initial intention is just for me to have a space, to have a page to write down my history, a page for my grandchildren or even grand-grandchildren to read these in the future. Fame? I don't know what's on my head. My most naked thoughts are all here most of the time. Something too naked that I can't tell. Not that I can't, I just don't know how to tell. And sometimes I am feeling embarrassing to tell. Whatever.
I assume that I am never a practical person.
Wanting to live a life like those people whom I am envy of them that have this and that. But never feeling grateful towards what I owned. Whatever I have is nothing better than others. Whatever others have are always better than mine!
I have enough with myself for being like this.
I been thinking about this even during my works.
I don't have to live like a shadow of anyone.
I only have to be a shadow of myself.
I am envious of those who can achieve what they want and they know what they want. And yes, what I did is envy and do nothing to my life and my target.
My dear friends, all achieving that they want the most. But me?
I am trying hard to be the shadows of others in one or another way!
Tsk!
The feeling is really uneasy. If you couldn't understand, I don't blame. Perhaps I experience this matter later than everyone. A stage which should occur during pre-teen stage --> finding own identity.
Is ridiculous. I am finding my identity.
When I going to be a third year undergraduate.
Hah!
On the other hand, there is a second thought came across my mind.
I don't need a fame.
I just want to lead a happy life.
I just want to be simple.
I am tired of competing with anything or anyone.
Mimosa quote:简单的人比较快乐。
I will slowly catch up with this theory.
I don't want to be a superstar in any ways, be it studies, blog, career or anything other things.
I only want to be myself. Not the shadow of any others.
Grumpy post. Is rather a disorganized post.
But I can't make it any organized since my life isn't an organized one.
LOL~
Including dinner.
:)
Supper as well of course.
Enjoying my single deluxe as Vern is staying over at NEC with her family who came down this morning.
Dull~
Can't remember how did I survive in a single room last year.
But hey, I do like to have a single room. Just not holidays maybe.
:P
Never mind. I am still enjoying. My next next door neighbour too. Haha!
Is it because there is nothing occupy me and my mind, thus my mind flew. To everywhere?
Did go out to JP this noon for a while. And finally all my ear holes for both ears are occupied. :) No worry, I only have 4. No more than that.
I guess I am a lone taker whenever it is necessary. So I am not that worry about myself even if one day when I am old and there is still no one besides me. *isolated*
Loneliness often strike my mind hard. No, not because of loneliness. Not sure why but my mind was struck even before yesterday.
That's what happen after weeks of doing works without using brain at all.
LOL~
I am pretty fine actually.
Just, I start to think deep about myself.
Contemplating.
Really hard.
I am such a greedy person. I greed for fame. Yes, fame. Idiot me. I don't know why am I thinking all these fames at such age! People think about these when they were in their teens. But I am not anymore. Ok, I am at the post teen stage not an ADULT yet. :P
Back to my fame. You wouldn't get what I meant. Do I look like someone that want fame desperately in front of anyone of you? Not exactly desperately, just.. Can you see the intention on my face that I want a fame?
I drift myself along all these while. I set other people as "examples". For instance, my blog. I can't believe that I want my blog to be famous like those I read, which is totally not on path with my initial intention of having a blog. My very initial intention is just for me to have a space, to have a page to write down my history, a page for my grandchildren or even grand-grandchildren to read these in the future. Fame? I don't know what's on my head. My most naked thoughts are all here most of the time. Something too naked that I can't tell. Not that I can't, I just don't know how to tell. And sometimes I am feeling embarrassing to tell. Whatever.
I assume that I am never a practical person.
Wanting to live a life like those people whom I am envy of them that have this and that. But never feeling grateful towards what I owned. Whatever I have is nothing better than others. Whatever others have are always better than mine!
I have enough with myself for being like this.
I been thinking about this even during my works.
I don't have to live like a shadow of anyone.
I only have to be a shadow of myself.
I am envious of those who can achieve what they want and they know what they want. And yes, what I did is envy and do nothing to my life and my target.
My dear friends, all achieving that they want the most. But me?
I am trying hard to be the shadows of others in one or another way!
Tsk!
The feeling is really uneasy. If you couldn't understand, I don't blame. Perhaps I experience this matter later than everyone. A stage which should occur during pre-teen stage --> finding own identity.
Is ridiculous. I am finding my identity.
When I going to be a third year undergraduate.
Hah!
On the other hand, there is a second thought came across my mind.
I don't need a fame.
I just want to lead a happy life.
I just want to be simple.
I am tired of competing with anything or anyone.
Mimosa quote:简单的人比较快乐。
I will slowly catch up with this theory.
I don't want to be a superstar in any ways, be it studies, blog, career or anything other things.
I only want to be myself. Not the shadow of any others.
Grumpy post. Is rather a disorganized post.
But I can't make it any organized since my life isn't an organized one.
LOL~
Eh, you're still in NTU?? din know tat.
i have da same feelings as u!! i keep on thinking "why every1 have achieved something except me??"i also dont know what i want, i dont know what to achieve, and i havent achieved anything yet. hahaha dun worry i also got dream of a day when my blog will become as famous as xiaxue...not oni u. hehe.
Legend: Yup! Working in LWN. :)
Rae: Haha! I know why ur target it xiaxue. LOL~ All the best to both us in looking what we are looking, if we have one. :P
ahCheng: 老李 reminds me of 李白. Zzz.. Thx la!